LAMENTATIONS OF AN UGLY GIRL; PART 2

“Weyrey, olori buruku oshi” I said aloud as I
found out that the bastard had deleted me off
his BBM. “Hope all is well,” one of the waiters
asked in Yoruba. Without uttering a word, I
picked up my bag and left. “Before the idiot
spoils my day, make I find something do,” I
thought to myself, putting my earphone to
activate my other brain, the one that does not
think at all. The rest of the week seemed
really fast and boring as lectures were
gradually commencing.
To get the thoughts of Segun who is easier
referred to as the bastard off my mind, I
decided to cook, yes, cooking is to me as
shopping is to most babes, very therapeutic
to me, marry me now abi?
“Tope, Tiwa, Tolani” I heard from behind me,
on my way to class the following Monday. I
turned to see who it was.
“You don’t remember me” he said walking up
to me, pausing to let me think.
“Ridwan, the guy you met with Liz at the
market on Saturday. Oh, Liz had introduced
me to him but I was too busy calculating in
my head to give him a thought.
“Oh, don’t mind me jare, memory full” I replied
pointing to my head. “The name is Tolani
anyways” I continued. We talked as we
walked to class parting blocs to my
department.
“hey, Tolani, never thought I’d run into you
today o” Ridwan said feigning surprise
“Oh” I replied but in my mind, I was like “Oh if
I slap you ehn, who do you think you are
deceiving?” I had seen him pacing on the
corridor of my department floor in the middle
of Dr Awho’s class. So he had been waiting
for me”. He escorted me to my hostel before
he turned back. Over the next few days, he
became very stalk-ish bumping into me from
every corner, every other time.
“So are you going to your hostel?” He asked.
“No, I’m going to the library” I retorted. Sharp
babe like me, he would not follow me there.
Astonishingly, he followed me o saying he had
planned to go too.
“Omo, dem don tush up this library o” I said
aloud as the guilt of my parents telling me to
be a regular library student and not setting
foot there in over a session filled my mind. I
shrugged it off, picked a random book and sat
in a quite crowded place just to discharge
him. At least that worked but not for long,
about half an hour later, he came to tell me he
was leaving then he asked for my phone
number. Wait! With all the eyes, it would
inhumane to refuse to and I don’t want
popularity as the ugly girl forming. The
thought of giving him a wrong number came
to my mind but since he would still “bump”
into me, I gave him the right one and he left
immediately.
While I was busy racking my brain on how to
finish my assignment, Beyonce’s I was here,
my ringtone, I picked and guess who it was,
you guessed right, Ridwan asking me if I had
gotten to my hostel, like we just got some
some. I saved his number and made a mental
note not to pick his call again but he kept
calling, leaving a message after over ten calls
within 2-3days. And the ‘bumping into me’
didn’t stop. He was stalking me.
Truth is I don’t even like the guy, he is not
even close to the type I like, I am taller than
he is, plus he is skinny too like Kcee
(Limpopo)’s trousers, he is not fine and not
ugly, he is just there sha. The direct opposite
of the tall, fair and handsome with Praiz-like
beards, smile like John Legend (with no
tattoos ooo). Don’t mind me with all my
specifications but if you are anything like that
you can drop your twitter handle, I’d mention
you after I check the avi nii ooo.
One fateful day like they say in secondary
school essays, he called me and told me he
wanted to see me (in plain terms). In this
school, if a guy tells you in plain terms ‘I want
to see you for something important’, it’s
either to ask the girl out or preach the word.
If it is for the former, it’s a Capital NO but if it
is for the latter, God forgive me; he go try,
God forgive me again *kneels down*. I kept
forming busy but he just wanted to see me at
all cost.
Finally, after “bumping into me”for the
umpteenth time on one hot afternoon, he sat
me down on one of those ever-dirty seat
under the tree just outside my faculty. “Thank
you for coming with me here, I really
appreciate it” he started. He digressed, talking
about his course, how he has to write a term
paper and all other things that did not sink.
All I could think of was leaving that place then
he muttered, “It is basically about history and
culture degradation in south-west Nigeria,
using Egba, Oshogbo, Ibadan or ethnic group
as a case study so I thought you wouldn’t
mind being photographed for me?”
I did not get it at first so there was about a
few seconds of silence before it rang in my
brain like a catholic mass bell. He wanted me
to take pictures of my face so he could put it
in some Ibadan woman from 1940 to present
chart. I bolted out the seat and stormed away
but not without giving him a piece of my
mind. “So you have been stalking me since so
I can be your guinea pig. Ah what nonsense,
Christ, What are you?” I shouted not minding
the people who were focused on me already.
“God why? Is it my fault?” I thought to myself
as I sank into the seat of the cab taking me
out of campus. I needed a break from all of
this madness.
As if Bola knew, she hugged me as soon as I
showed at her doorstep; the tears that had
filled my soul came running straight through
my eyes immediately. Amazed, “what
happened Tolani” Bola asked. Amidst sobs, I
relayed the whole situation; she simply
brought a bottle of Baileys that we drank from
until I fell asleep.
“Did you say Liz introduced you to the idiot?”
Bola asked as I was trying to rinse my face
the next morning. I mumbled a yes trying to
rinse my mouth too. She called Liz, I just
stabbed classes since my eyes had gone sore
and by evening, Liz came around, I explained
the whole dilemma over again. She explained
to us that she did not know him like that
much and that they just got talking about
‘keeping up with the Kardashians’ show. She
recommended going to shout and warn him,
the idea was brushed off as soon as the evil
genius Bola came up with an idea. The rest of
the night was quite fun has PHCN decided to
help us watch some set of films over juice. It
was all girls lazing around.
The next Monday, after scrolling through my
mentions, DMS and pings, I called him
ME: hello
Ridwan: hey, morning, I’m very sorry
for…………..
ME: Don’t worry, I took it wrong, if I am not
proud of myself then who will be proud of
me?
Ridwan: Maybe it was the way I put it
ME: (cut in again) so when is your term paper
due?
Ridwan: Next week Tuesday
ME: so when do we meet for the pictures.
Should I take pictures from my phone or
should we use a photographer.
Ridwan: Friday, if you don’t mind, the
photographer would be better so I can get a
vantage view.
ME: Ok till then, Bye.

WATCHOUT FOR PART 3: