LAMENTATIONS OF AN UGLY GIRL; PART 4.

These ones in my room don’t even seem like
they missed me, for them, it would be better if
I never came to school at all. As soon as I
dropped my bags and picked my phone to
check updates, I fell asleep, waking up with an
headache. Guess who came knocking on my
door synchronizing to make “Wizkid’s don’t
dull” beat with the ones in my head, Ridwan.
Thank God for the headache, it just was at
perfect timing to get the whole act running.
“How are you feeling now?” He asked
“Just this headache but I’m getting better”
“Sorry I couldn’t make it, how was your term
paper?” I replied putting on my most sorry
face.
“Just there jare but I’m still sorry about the
way I talked the other day.” He apologized
and we talked a little. I still believe that visit
had something to do with Liz or rather Liz’s
mouth* matter for another day*. I escorted
him out of the hostel making to buy Panadol
for my headache where I met Chike [funny
how you don’t know that some people really
exist until you meet them personally]. He
seemed rather cheerful. Only if he knows the
wahala he has caused.
I silently hoped it wasn’t Bola when Jolomi,
my roommate, told me that I had pings
because I still didn’t have an answer to
‘Lines, what do you think?’ question she
would obviously ask me. I heaved a sigh of
relief when I discovered there were all status
updates, Bola had changed her PM “Why me?
Just so confused” I felt her pain and wanted
to call her but I couldn’t even think of
soothing words to say at that moment.
I said a quick prayer not to see Bola as I
walked past the faculty car park the next
morning.
“Omotolani, Tolani” I heard Bola call closely
behind me just as I was beginning to feel the
ease of escape . My heart and the gymnastics
it does nowadays ehn.
“Are you free now? We need to talk in the
car”, she continued. Without waiting for an
answer, she turned towards the car park. Like
a child who wronged her mother, I ‘mumudly’
followed her.
“It is not like that o, I have been …..” she cut
in before I could finish.
“I don’t know, this one” she said stuttering in
the middle of her words.
“What happened?”
“You can’t believe that Chike is engaged in
fact far from engaged, ha has a baby mama”
“Who told you? How did you know?”
“He doesn’t even have the slightest hint that I
like him, he was telling me about his baby
mama on Sunday and how he is not sure if he
still loves her anymore but has to manage
because of his daughter”, she managed to
say before sobbing profusely.
She was about to start lamenting when I
began to tease her “see you o, people will kill
to have what you have: fine babe, nice ride,
crème and proper”. I continued by lamenting
about the life of an ugly girl from the ‘you
fight lion’ invective to not having a boyfriend
in secondary school till the one that was
always ashamed to talk to me in public or the
Ibadan accent in my English when I first came
to school. Once I was able to get her
laughing, we drove down to my hostel
stabbing all other lectures for that day. Thank
God, Jolomi was around, as soon as I told her
my friend needed to laugh, she took off (I tell
you “I go die” as nothing on this babe) we
laughed so hard that we lost count of time.
“Shey you go crash with Bola so make them
Ibadan rats find you go there small” Jolomi
said as Bola decided to take her leave. I could
sensed that Bola might sink into depression if
she sleeps alone that night so I proposed to
her a sleep over, she obliged and we had such
a fun night, laughing, taking turns at yabbing
each other till we all fell asleep. The rest of
the week saw Bola coming over and doing
“hostel tour” as she called it; sleeping around
from Viv room to Liz’s room ending to tour at
my room.
“Tola, move in with me now” she said rather
casually making me laugh at it. “I’m serious
ooo, sometimes I just feel lonely, chatting on
my BB, If you and I stay together it would be
more fun abi what do you think…?”
I thought it nice but after giving it a second
thought, I refused. I’d rather be the “be-
there-when-you-call, in-car-or-okada, kind of
friend. More so, the noise, craziness, entropy
of the hostel always help me remember
assignments undone; test to read for and the
drama that goes on in this hostel are best
seen rather than heard (not gossips o).
*********
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket,
“probably some person retweeting or some
stupid BC”, I thought without losing focus on
Prof Aigbe as he explained the USP from the
curve on the marker board.
“Damn! These people should leave me alone,”
I said as I fished the phone out of my pocket
to at least see who the witches in my village
sent to me this time. Elizabeth.
“And with that, we should call it a day,
Thursday, 10am is the time, Good day class”
Prof Aigbe grabbed his books, clung them
close to his chest before carefully sauntering
out.
Liz, that miss boss
PING!!!
Where you dey?
PING!!!
When you decide to use the dildo with one
hand and check your pings with the other, you
would ping me ooo!
“Mtchew, can this girl ever be serious?” I
replied her pings; they were all at Forks and
Fingers, little wonder. I didn’t have breakfast
so brunch wasn’t such a bad idea.
I walked in on them, talking or rather Liz
talking and the others listening so closely that
they didn’t notice me seat behind them.
“Lines when you come ?” Viv asked
“Since when AIT here has decided to extend
Kaakakii till afternoon,” I said pointing at Liz.
“Ode, you finally left the dildo, abeg did you
wash your hands sha? Before you touch
anything” she always had a reply.
“Mumu, I was in Prof Aigbe’s ….” She cuts in
“Office, wow! How was the hand job or was it
a blowjob?”
“I was in class, mumu, what’s happening jare”
I said turning to visibly amused Bola and Viv.
“Una two no go kill una self, besties” Viv said
amidst laughter.
Just as we were about to place orders, T-
barz, the faculty’s social secretary walked in.
“just the people, I want to see,” He said with
his gaze fixed on us.
“Wassup, the thing is the nominee list for the
faculty dinner is out but yet to be printed” he
started. No way was he going to ask for
donations. “You guys are nominated for the
female clique category but I couldn’t find the
clique name for you babes.” We all stared at
each other.
Truth is we have always been friends since
our first year in school but we have never
thought of ourselves as a clique not talk of
naming it.

WATCHOUT FOR PART 5