LAMENTATIONS OF AN UGLY GIRL; PART 3.

I hung up before he could even say goodbye.
“Vantage view, you would not like mug shots
mumu”. I thought of his annoying choice of
words. I was already expectant when his call
came in at around 3:30pm on Friday; he
obviously thought I was going to be
fashionably late.
“Hey I quickly rushed home for something this
afternoon, I would have called you but I have
been very busy,” I answered without even
hearing his voice on the other side.
“Hope all is well sha?” He asked. I told him it
was not serious and we rescheduled to
Monday morning.
Before midday on Monday, I called him to tell
him that I was not feeling too well.
“If you wouldn’t mind I’d just take it from my
phone and send them to your mail,” I asked.
“Ok but I need the straight view and pictures
of both sides” He replied waiting a few
seconds before he said both sides. As soon as
he sent me this email address(please who still
uses hotmail?), the evil genius got to work,
sending a screen shot “page loading” and
tagged it pic 1 straight view and to others.
“Sent three already, go and check” I said
without letting him utter a word before
hanging up.
About an Hour later
“The page is not loading; I have not even
seen the pictures at all”
“Why nah? Maybe I’d just send it again, Abeg
no vex”
I retorted almost laughing at his misery before
hanging up.
“Bola, Bola, see he has seen that one, Oya,
the second set, “I called out. She was on
another call whispering and probably hoping
that I would not hear her from the kitchen.
“Who was that, Bola?”
“Nobody important” she answered escaping
my gaze. I know better than to pester Bola if
it is important, she would eventually spill. She
sent the second set of pictures this time with
screen shot blank page. Later that day, when
Ridwan called again, my church-mind quickly
chanced the witch part of me, at least I try
nah, I gave him over 12 hours to Google for
Ibadan girls with tribal marks, see me pitying
the idiot o.
“Tolani, how do human beings know they are
in love not the movies own o?” Bola asked in
Yoruba while we were watching a Yoruba film.
I don’t know, butterflies in your stomach, slow
motion when you see the person,” I teased.
“Serious nah” she said with a stern voice
depicting her seriousness.
“Maybe, heartbeats, unexplainable joy, you
can’t help but laugh sort of”
“Tolani, I think I’m in love” I stopped the film
then faced her.
Were my ears failing me?, Mobolanle Philips in
love: impossible, this babe is a feminist to the
point of no return, doesn’t think a woman
needs a man to be complete, she seriously
hates fairytales and loves to a fault one-
night-stands and sexcapades and her
ridiculous rule of getting out of bed first after
sex. How can she fall in love?
“Ah! You have to be joking, Iwo ke”
“I’m dead serious”
“Since when, with who, do I know him?”
“I can’t even explain, about 2 weeks ago,
when I met him at the sport complex when I
was looking for my rep. I almost ran him over
because I was pinging”
“So you guys haven’t talked abi, what’s his
name,”
“Chike, I had to apologize, so I gave him a
ride; we met the next day and we got talking,
I like the guy, he seems cool and nice too, his
facials try too” she said with a smug look
because she knew I’d ask.
“But do you think he likes you or he is feeling
you at least?”
“I think so, I don’t know, he calls me, we talk
a lot I can’t say from those ones abi?” She
sighed before continuing “I like him gan-an
but but but” she stammered. “is he disabled,
ugly, oh because he is Ibo, wait o is he too
old” I ran my mouth before she cut in”
“Shey you will let me talk before you start
jumping to conclusions; he is a little
challenged on the financial side”. She uttered.
Though Bola is quite rich and spoilt, she
hardly rates anyone and does not even refer
to anyone by his or her monetary standards
so forget the grammar; this guy has to be
poor like below half a dollar a day poor. God
forgive my mouth.
“Aren’t you going to say anything” She caught
me out my thought.
“I don’t know. What do you want me to say?”
“Anything”
“It is well” My church lingo came to bare. She
asked me not to tell Viv and Liz that he was
coming to her place in two days, I refused and
we agreed to tell them so we’d all be around
when he comes.
In simple jean and shorts, we sat awaiting
Bola’s boyfriend (wey never toast am) Liz
was busy bad-mouthing Bola when we heard
someone knock on the door. We readjusted to
plan, Bola went to the kitchen preparing food
or so we wanted him to think while Liz and I
were supposed to be playing scrabble forming
smart girls nah.
“Oh! I’m sorry, I was told this is Bola’s
place”, I heard when Viv opened the door.
Vivian then ushered him in, before we could
call Bola out of the kitchen as planned, she
was already out, hugging and cuddling him.
This babe can like to fall hand.
“Pardon my manners, I’m Chike and I believe
you are Bola’s friends” he said before Bola
thought it right to introduce us. We chatted
about everything from fashion to sport (only
the one I know is that C.Ronaldo is the hot
guy who plays for Real Madrid and Messi is
the football geek. The guy no try at all). He
seemed quite smart with a great sense of
humour, at least I laughed like thrice.
“Ladies, I’m sorry I must go now I have a
whole lot of other things to cover today,
maybe some other time?”
You should have seen Bola’s face it was as if
she was left behind after rapture.
“Bola, you no dey try o of all the boys on this
campus, Omo Ibo yii, did you see the guys
collar?” Liz began.
I saw that when he was taking off his shoes
before he entered. It had turned brown either
from too many a use or from not too many a
wash.
“Abeg, which one is Omo Ibo in the matter
nah” Viv interjected.
“At least he didn’t go and borrow shirt,
honesty” Bola replied with all seriousness.
“Me I know poor guys that have clean collars
sha, the texture of his palm ehn, if e catch
your bobbi ehn, if e no burst am nah small e
go remain. I pity you” Viv said hoping to start
a joke. It was not funny at that moment
maybe we would laugh later.
“See, am telling you , go and find all those
Omo Baba Olowo like you for boyfriend, this
one go tell you say make you bring all your
papa money nii ooooo.”
“Ah ah Elizabeth” I shouted, cutting her short
before she uttered something stupid.
At this point, I am quite confused, like I am
not a class racist (couldn’t find a better word
abeg) but this guy is obviously way below
Bola’s status while the babe is probably doing
eatery, he’d probably be hustling bread and
beans, the babe has a car, he doesn’t. I
cannot even decipher where this is going, here
is Bola; never falls in love, feminist only God
knows when she will meet another person if
she leaves him. Men on the other hand can
never be trusted but wait ooo why has not he
even asked her out yet? Maybe
a) He is quite shy of the different class
status and does not want to seem like a gold
digger.
b) He knows Bola might ask him so
whenever shit happens he would be like “I
never liked you, you asked me out remember.”
c) This is all a well-orchestrated plan of a
gold-digger. Yeepa
Today, I’d really need your opinions as you
comment because I am confused and I have
since been stylishly dodging the “what do you
think of him?”
What do you think I should do?

WATCHOUT FOR PART 4: